November 2010 (Pictures & Videos)

Coming Soon........don't care what you think

October 2010 (Pictures & Videos)

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September 2010 (Pictures & Videos)

pictures to come still....

August 2010 (Pictures & Videos)

August 2010 Pictures!

August 2010 Videos!

July 2010 (Pictures & Videos)

July 2010 Pictures!

July 2010 Videos!

June 2010 Update!

Two years and eleven months old!

This entry will be shorter than it actually should be. I am cutting out parts which I do not wish to perpetuate. I have allowed our current circumstances to lower my level of consciousness with my actions and I need to put a stop to it. When I say "current circumstances" I am not referring in any way shape or form to Autism. That is something that has been a part of my life for three years and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Rowan has progressed so much this month and has made me so proud. He is communicating with sign language now. The amount of joy felt in being able to communicate with my son is something of immeasurable proportion. He is also completing simple tasks and doing this sometimes on his own. He knows to clean up his letters after he is done playing with them. I know that the milestones are big for all parents, but I really do feel it is much bigger for the parents of children with disabilities. The moments just don't happen you have to work really hard. Most of the time you don't even see any progress and wonder what you are doing wrong. Then one day it just clicks. The day he learned to sign "please" was an amazing day for both of us. He now knows how to get things done that he wants and I am able to interact with him. He has started saying "please" as he signs it. It really is the sweetest sound in the world. I can tell you this he has me wrapped around his little finger. All he has to do is say "please" and he gets almost anything he wants.

I am so excited for him to start preschool this fall. I thought he wouldn't really be attending school until he was five. Since we are poor I just didn't know or think it would be possible. I can't wait for him to meet his classmates, make friends, learn and grow. All the kids in his class will be Autistic as well. Being that Autism manifests itself so different in every child it really will be an experience. They will all be so different yet the same and I think it will be so good for both of us. To be around people who understand, accept and are there to help will be a blessing.

Photos for June

Videos for June

May 2010 Update!

Two years and ten months old!

It is now completely official my son Rowan has been diagnosed Autistic. This is not a misdiagnosis. This is from many evaluations with many different groups of people over the past four months. This is also the belief of his three therapists who specialize in working with Autistic children. So these evaluations, along with the therapist summaries were included with his final evaluation which lasted about four hours. This final evaluation consisted of a team of four individuals who are experts in what they do. This paired with the fact that I have known he was Autistic since he was about a year old. This diagnosis is not just one opinion and being that I know it is a correct diagnosis I will not be seeking any more evaluations. His therapies will continue as they have been. He works with a speech, behavioral and occupational therapist each once a week. There is the hope that he will somehow be a high functioning Autistic person. I was told that the spectrum ranges from severe to mild. I was told that Rowan is not on either end of this spectrum. So I guess that leaves my little boy somewhere in the middle. Since the diagnosis we had yet another evaluation with DPS and this fall Rowan will begin attending a special school for Autistic children.

The worst part of this has been the reactions. It has been quite a learning experience for me. I have learned that a great amount of people still think it is 1950. They believe I should hide him away and/or believe it was caused by bad parenting. If you are still ignorant beyond belief and put butter on a burn let me educate you. Autism is not caused by "refrigerator moms." Autism is real and not a fake disorder used to describe unruly children. The neural pathways in an Autistic person are actually different from a "normal" or "neurotypical" individual. Autism is NOT a form of schizophrenia and is not considered a mental illness. Interestingly though many Autistic people do have elevated levels of Serotonin. Still currently there is no medical test to diagnose Autism. Yes, many of the things an autistic kid does your "normal" kid also does. To be considered Autistic there must be an impairment in social relationships, social communication and imaginative thought. There are 12 Characteristics an individual must display to be diagnosed. They are not sure what exactly causes Autism. There is a genetic predisposition that is then set off by some sort of environmental catalyst. There is not only one catalyst and the scientists hard at work can not even pin point a single cause. Many Autistic children do not have properly functioning immune systems so one theory is that they can not properly detoxify resulting in cumulative toxins in their bodies. That is where the vaccine scare comes in. They have found vaccine-strain measles virus in the spinal fluid of Autistic children and no one seems to know how it gets there. That paired with the mercury levels in the vaccine makes for quite a debate.

This past month has been horrific. It's sad because it didn't need to be at all. I would hope people would come together and show their love and support. I thought people would offer to help us with something, anything. Instead people dumped all their ignorant insecurities on us. Still as always without any help we are keeping at it and progressing. Rowan's vocabulary includes apple, corn, elephant, cat, dog, cow, circle, star, windmill, hay, fish, flower, car and the list goes on. His ability to say things and identify in a picture is growing. Though if you were to point at a car and say "What is that Rowan?" He would still ignore you. Rowan is helping to clean up a little and that is such a huge improvement. The other day at McDonalds I spilled my drink and Rowan started helping to clean it up. He kept putting my ice cubes back in my cup. I wanted to tell him "no," but I could tell he wanted to be helpful. On the opposite end of this the past two weeks his temper has grown as well. He growls "YES" for anything he wants to do. If I try to change his diaper, or turn off a movie, or transition to pretty much anything comes the "YES" growl to continue whatever it was he was doing. In his therapies we have learned a counting system that has really helped with transitions. So it's getting better. It's just his new intense use of the word "yes" that makes it seem worse than it is.

One amazing thing that I relish every single day is that Rowan now loves to snuggle. Months ago this was rare and months before that it was almost non-existent. I know he loves me, but for him to grab me and give me a big kiss just elevates it. Rowan does not say mom yet, but he can spell it. On Mother's day we were at the grocery store picking out some flowers. I was holding Rowan and heard him say M-O-M. I looked over and a big Mylar balloon had the letters MOM on it. I was pretty happy I just wish he knew what he had spelled and what the word meant. In therapy they have noticed that he is more open to them as well. At the park after five minutes in one spot I can now say to him "Rowan let's explore" and he will! In the past we went to one spot and spent the whole time there. Don't get me wrong he is still definitely on his own program, but at least now his program is broadening.

Sorry if this update sounds angry. It is just where I am right now. Since the diagnosis I have only had one person be supportive. Everyone else has treated me and/or my son terribly. There are some radical changes happening in our life and this anger won't last forever. I am willing to give people time to educate themselves. I am sorry to say that if you are not willing to be a positive and supportive force in our lives you won't be in it. It is heartbreaking to see just how cold, callous and selfish people really are and that is fine. You can live anyway you prefer. I chose to raise my son in love and not the hateful environment that I was raised in. So I am excited to see what the future has in store for us. I hope the people we care about will be along for the journey. I have given people in our life three years to show us some sort of support. I don't know what else to do, but to cut our loses and move on. It breaks my heart that the people who should be closest to us are the furthest. So it's your choice. You can stand around arrogant and judgmental or you can HELP us out. The choice is up to you. Don't get me wrong I love you, but I am exhausted and sucking energy that should go to my son is not allowed anymore.

May Photo Gallery

May Videos - In the past a lot of these I would not have shared. Anytime Rowan would be acting "Autistic" I would not share the video or I wouldn't even tape it. I am ashamed that I did this. I love my son and everything about him. So if you don't get to see him to often you can have a better glimpse into how wonderfully unique he is =]

April 2010 Update!

Two years and nine months old!

It was a roller coaster of a month. We are happy and healthy, but it seems like every person in our family has been in the hospital. April was a scary month filled with a lot of praying and a lot of tears. After complications with open heart surgery my beloved Uncle Greg passed away. His service was beautiful. My Aunt Lori even had all the siblings release doves at the cemetery. I added some photos of him and some of the flowers people sent to the image gallery for this month.

Rowan has been busy with therapy every week. He has a BT (behavior), OT (occupational) and ST (speech.) So three times a week a professional comes to the house and helps us work on things. I do see a difference. He holds eye contact and is talking more and doing more. Its great to have my little man more present with me. I am not even worried about Autism anymore. He still has yet another evaluation for that, but I really could careless what their findings say. I mean I am all for finding out which route to aid in teaching and guiding him. I just don't care at all about this label and what it means. It is weird because I have found that a lot of parents really want this label. When did having an Autistic kid become the "in" thing?

One cute thing Rowan did was while watching a movie with Gina and Sloane. He was sitting in my lap and wiggled his way free. He said to me "I'll be back." Shocked and curious I said "You''ll be back?" Rowan replied with "yeah" and walked into the other room. It was amazing to hear him speak so much!

So here we come May! I am feeling good and we are healthy and I am praying that everyone in our family stays that way as well.

View photos of Rowan from April!

Videos of Rowan from April!

The tragic story of Baby Brianna

I know it will anger some that I even share this horrific story. However; I do not believe in coincidences and this month happens to be dedicated to Child Abuse Awareness. Since I learned of this story in February not a day has gone by that I do not think of it. It really has impacted my life. I feel it is an important story, but it is a tragic story beyond belief. It is the story of Baby Brianna Lopez. It was just by chance that I even saw this. I seek to avoid even hearing stories of this nature. Baby Brianna was born premature to this world and the five months that she inhabited this earth she was tortured. She was beaten, raped and basically used as a rag doll by her mother, father and uncle. Even the grandmother of this poor baby did nothing to help her. From the photographs there is no doubt that one look at this baby and her story would be told. I can't imagine seeing this and doing nothing. Let alone it being my own flesh and blood and standing by while she is horribly abused. After seeing the news cast and then researching the story I was unable to sleep for three days. Why did I research it? I couldn't believe it was true. I figured it had to be some sort of hoax. Some sick joke put together by some bored person to scare people. Sadly this story is no hoax. Sadly the things done to this girl are real. I am well aware of child abuse, but to this extent it just never really settled into my mind. Terrible things happen everyday and when the really bad ones hit, it is all over the news. This happened six years ago. I have never heard of it. I can only imagine how many other cases like this exist. It breaks my heart and I am trying to find a way to help. The first step for me I guess would be sharing this story. Know that as you learn about this story know that the people guilty of this are not serving life sentences. Know that these people will be out walking the streets again. I hope this story does incite you a little. I hope it puts a fire under you to change things within your own life and to lend a helping hand to changing laws. I hope this story brings people together to protect those who need it most.



After finding out about this story I wasn't really sure what to do. I wrote the most powerful person I know of in hopes of her help. Yes I am talking about Oprah! I am certain people have written her about this story and hopefully my letter added to the pile will get more attention put on the subject of child abuse. Oprah herself admits to being abused so I know it is a subject she cares a great deal about.

Recently for Lent I incorporated this story and in a very personal and loving way dedicated the forty days to my son. The story of Brianna Lopez has really changed my life. It took things I knew were happening and brought them to my attention. Let me know that it is not so far from home and that I need to do everything I can to first make sure my son is protected and loved and second dedicate my time and efforts to making children less fortunate know that they can be protected and they are loved.

I know this story is a difficult one. I was waiting until the end of Lent to finally decide if I should share it. After the way I feel it has changed and benefited my family life I was almost certain that I should share it. Still I didn't want to upset anyone. Then come to find out that April is Child Abuse Awareness month I felt that was the last piece I needed to share this story.

March 2010 Update!

Two years and eight months old!

My little man has been showing me just how smart he is recently. He knows all of his alphabet except for M and N. He tries so hard to say those two and just can't do it. He can sing the entire alphabet and pick out all the letters, just that darn M and N. I guess this would explain why I have never really heard "mom, momma, mommy....." That M sound is just really tricky for him. He can also count to five. He loves to say "three" or actually "tree." A big grin stretches across his face when he says that one.

Rowan is also starting to read. We have never even watched Dora the Explorer or any of those shows. While at my sisters house though Rowan picked up a watch of Sloane's. It said Dora on it. He kept looking at it and saying "Dor, Dor, Dor" He was trying so hard to read it and he can barely talk. I was pretty impressed.

His arsenal of words is getting bigger. Juice, Duck, Shoe, Yes, No, Car.... It is so wonderful for him to finally communicate with me. I have never worried about his intelligence for one second it is just that having communication and more interaction makes life so much easier.

Rowan has had about a million evaluations for Autism and each one just leads to another evaluation. I am fine with that because they have at least put him on the list for therapy. I hope that these therapists will be able to help get him eating and talking and all that wonderful stuff.

Rowan also was accepted into preschool. I swear its like college. You have to apply a year in advance and there were only six slots. Its not even a special school for kids with Autism. Rowan will be attending regular preschool and I have faith he will blow them away with how smart he is and how well behaved (fingers crossed on the last one.)

View photos of Rowan from March!

Video of Rowan from March!